It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important.
J-e-l-l-o, Jesus is aliiiiive
Well, I haven’t posted in a long time. So I think I will.
Work has been sucky lately. But I got a $50 bonus today, just because my boss is an idiot. So, whee-haw.
I’m all alone in the house right now (well, alone as a person can be when there are 2 dogs who weigh as much as rather large children and think they should be getting attention All the time). My guy is working an overnight security job. I should be using this time to re-energize, but the only kind of energy I want is the kind that comes from sleep, not the kind that comes from quiet. My body is betraying me, I’m exhausted, but I think maybe it’s from some sort of vitamin deficiency. I don’t know.
Things are up and down with him, as usual. But also as usual, neither of us is ever willing to walk away. I want to marry him. How stupid is it to want to marry a person who doesn’t believe in marriage? Strangely enough, he has used the marriage word, made it sound like he was thinking about doing that with me (which, I believe he is Thinking about it). But as soon as he mentioned it enough that I started to get hopeful/sure of it, he did an about face. Patience was my new year’s resolution, right? That’ll be the key, I suppose. Patience, and sheer obstinance. I have the latter in spades, so we should be ok.
We went to visit my family this weekend. Well, went to visit my Dad and step-Mom, and my Mom and step-Dad came down to visit us. It was all nice enough, I suppose. It made me realize how much I’d love to take a decent amount of time off of work at some point, so it was more of a tease than a real break.
Oh, I came home to egg-shaped jello molds and 4 different kinds of jello today. He really Does care about me. And in case I didn’t figure that out from the gesture, he made sure to point out how much it proved that he does. :/ :) Doh. Oh! again. Our dating anniversary was April 1. Our first date was 4 years ago on that date. That’s a long time to put up with any one person. And in spite of everything, I don’t regret a second of it. :D
Mix CD
I made this CD for my lover. It comprises all my most negative emotions as they relate to us, my deepest fears and insecurities. I gave it to him, because I wanted him to know them, to feel them through the music, without me having to articulate them to him in a long discussion.
Disclaimer: Things are going relatively well with us, for the most part. But we have a long history, and every history comes with baggage. With that said, here is the track list for the CD I made him…
1. Ben Harper- “Steal my Kisses”
“I put into Nashville, Tennessee
But you wouldn’t even come around to see me
And since your headin’ up to Carolina
You know I gonna be right there behind you
‘Cause I always have to steal my kisses from you
Always have to steal my kisses from you”
2. The Avett Brothers- “Pretty Girl from Locust”
“Winter didn’t die, she was murdered
And you are the culprit, I am the same
It’s only right, it’s only right
For you to fall in love with me”
3. Cake- “Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps”
“If you can’t make your mind up,
We’ll never get started.
And I don’t wanna wind up
Being parted, broken-hearted.
So if you really love me,
Say yes.
But if you don’t, dear, confess.”
4. Damien Rice- “Delicate”
“why’d you fill my sorrows
With the words you’ve borrowed
From the only place you’ve known?
And why’d ya sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you?”
5. Florence + the Machine- “Heavy in Your Arms”
“And is it worth the wait
All this killing time?
Are you strong enough to stand
Protecting both your heart and mine?”
6. A Fine Frenzy- “Almost Lover”
“So you’re gone and i’m haunted
And i bet you are just fine.
Did i make it that easy to walk
Right in and out of my life’?”
7. Good Old War- “Maybe Mine”
“I’ve been chasing you around
When I go up, you’re down
I’m tired of fooling around”
8. Envy on the Coast- “Starving Your Friends”
“I fall three times as hard if it’s for nothing at all”
9. Incubus- “Clean”
“Don’t you dare come to bed with that ambiguous look in your eye,
I’d sooner sleep by an open fire and wake up fried.”
10. Athenaeum- “Sweeter Love”
“There’s no sweeter love than mine, and if you disagree…set me free.”
11. Jakob Dylan- “Will It Grow?” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0nFyEM0aHU
“damn this valley and damn this cold
Well, take so long to let me know
It’s plant and reap and plow and sow
But tell me, will it grow?”
12. Lykke Li-“Possibility
“There’s a possibility, all I had is all I gon’ get.”
13. La Dispute- “Nobody, not even the Rain”
“I know that even with the seams stitched tightly darling, scars will remain.”
14. Manchester Orchestra- “It’s Ok With Me”
“you don’t say what you mean when you need me to go.”
15. Marjorie Fair- “Empty Room”
“Change my mind or help me to try
Im afraid and I’m not satisfied
In this state I shall not remain”
16. Mumford & Sons- “White Blank Page”
“can you lie next to her
and confess your love
As well as your folly?”
17. Red Hot Chili Peppers- “Dosed”
“I got dosed by you and
Closer than most to you and
What am I supposed to do,
Take it away? I never had it anyway.”
18. Adele- “Rolling in the Deep”
“We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside your hand
And you played it to the beat”
19. Michael Franti- “One Step Closer to You”
“Even when i’ve fallen down
My heart says follow through
I take one step closer to you”
Submission by: elderwood
Lol, I tell people that all the time. “I know this sounds random but there was a thought trail leading up to this from our conversation. I can tell you my thought process if you want.”
Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is a nobler art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of nonessentials.
I’ll say it sloooow, daaaady
Things are finally slowing down a bit. I actually only work 5 days this week for the first time since I started my second job. My weekend will be eaten up with social gatherings which will be a little less than relaxing for me, but, at least it’s time away from work. And I’ll probably get laid since my guy will be pretty shit-faced. :) We’re going to the release party for a super rare beer called Sexual Chocolate. You’re only allowed to buy 4, so I’m gonna drink one, sell one on ebay to make my money back, and let my guy buy the rest off of me so he can use them for beer trades.
Things have been going well lately as far as I’m concerned. Is this at all where I thought I’d be this year? No. But I like where I am. I know my Dad is disappointed in my, but I think there are reasons that I’m in the place where I am, one of which being…to finish my book. If I write a best seller, do you think he’ll quit his bitching?
The title of my post is in reference to a story about me as a toddler. My Dad was working on putting the siding on our house, and I wanted to tell him something. He said he didn’t have time to listen to me right then, and I said “That’s ok, I’ll say it sloooow daaaaady”. Yay for slowing down for a minute.
oh yes. I play devil’s advocate all the time, and argue both sides of the same argument at different times just to help my friends see the other possibilities.
Every moment you spend wishing you were someplace else is a moment you can’t get back.
